How to last two weeks in your home town


Quite honestly, I have no help for you. None at all. I’m just sitting here in my hometown trying not to be drunk 24 hours a day. I graduated college four days ago, and I feel nothing except boredom.

I start my internship in exactly fourteen days, and they just can’t pass quickly enough.

Things that have changed since I started college:

  1. I part my hair in the middle.
  2. I drink a whole lot more.
  3. I kind of know a little bit more than when I started.

And that’s it. Tomorrow I will go to an exercise class that is something like kickboxing. It will take up approximately one hour of my life. I’m not sure what to do with the other 23.

Here’s a hint: freelancing is difficult. I read on The Financial Diet that I should have “side hustles”. I didn’t even know what that meant, at first. Now I feel pressure to have one, and nobody seems to be equally interested. is rather useless, and I can’t trust anyone enough to actually put in payment information. is pretty reliable, but I also know for a fact that there are people much more knowledgeable than I am on there.

Who would seriously trust this graduated-alcoholic to tutor their child? I did well on my SAT’s but Jesus, I wouldn’t trust me with much.

Basically, I’m in the middle of this slump. It’s a life slump, and I’m just biding my time until I move to Rochester to start my internship. There’s a lot of drinking, a lot of tanning, and a lot of almost losing my mind with boredom. I love my family, but all I want to do is go to bars and have “fun”, whatever that means. Too young for suburbia, I am. But I guess I can offer a few tips:

  1. Be drunk.

And I’m talking spend a ridiculous portion of the day drunk. As long as you have nowhere to be (and, let’s face it, you’re at home so you don’t have to be ANYWHERE) just keep drinking. Alcohol makes the most banal situations seem exciting. For example, today a mosquito bit me. You’d think I’d just been attacked by ISIS with how I reacted. Alcohol will make things interesting–I make no guarantees about whether it’ll be bad or good interesting.

  1. Eat a lot

That bikini body you’ve been working on for oodles and oodles of time? Say goodbye to it. In the few weeks that you’re home, you’ll start eating everything. I don’t even like greasy foods, but I swear I ate four pieces of pizza in one day. Mozzarella sticks that make my stomach feel sick after consuming? Whatever, bring them on. I’ll eat it and it’ll pass about fifteen minutes of the endless time of being home.

  1. Text a boy you found on a dating app

Is he a serial killer? Who can tell? But he’ll amuse the hell out of you for the two weeks you’re stuck in the hell called home. He’s probably doing fun things in the city while you sit and rot! Get him to tell you about it so you can live vicariously!

That’s all I have for you. Until next time.